Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
