i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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