pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Betty ford says i'm here all night
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
