Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize