hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
