You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
