I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
