i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
