She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
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I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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