First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You were trust falling into bushes
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
