Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
