an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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