is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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