he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
