Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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