make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
