who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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