ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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