picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
