Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
you win again, gameday.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
