Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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