Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
