I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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