we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
