Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
There's a naked man in my car right now.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
