addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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