i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
