i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
