Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
