We're facebook friends in real life
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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