I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
