I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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