i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
