we're chasing vodka with high fives
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
