I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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