the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
