My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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