PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
