Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
oh god was she eating orange peels again
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
