i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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