I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
