What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
