i just had sex bonerless
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize