I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
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Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
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COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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