hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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