This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I believe in your delicious
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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