The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
