I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
