Need sex. Gaining weight.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
