I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
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You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
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Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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