hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
