You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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