I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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