life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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