We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
