He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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