Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
