Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
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