Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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