Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
