i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
