The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
