Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
