Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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