I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
