actually, I'm a sock model
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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