Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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