Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
