Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
