i just made my gag reflex go away.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
